Untitled
Pairing: NaruxSasu
Rated: R
Comments: Fits into the Conviction universe but can be taken alone as well.

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When Naruto sees the bird-a brown pigeon with speckled wings-he wants to turn his back and pretend that the scale on which he balances his convictions and his duties isn’t shifting under his feet, that the good guys defeat the bad guys, that the world is black and white like it never was when he was young and unacknowledged.

He grasps at these intangible beliefs even though he knows he’s clutching at empty air. He avoids Sasuke’s knowing eyes because in moments like this, looking at his lover reminds him that the bad guys aren’t always bad and the good guys aren’t always good.

But he isn’t surprised-in fact he expects it-when Sasuke pushes him up against the wall and covers his body, grinding their hips until Naruto gives in.

Sasuke denies that the missions affect him, but Naruto is fairly certain that Sasuke’s touch is a little more fervent, his lips more insistent, his thrusts more brutal when he returns from an assassination. Naruto doesn’t know how else to help him so he lets Sasuke have his way because afterward, the Uchiha also holds him a little tighter.

Naruto isn’t certain Sasuke even realizes that he does this, but if Sasuke is content to believe he’s the model apathetic ninja then Naruto feels it’s safe to let him because Naruto knows otherwise. The only thing Naruto is certain of is that a ninja’s life is his duty.

And so he does his duty.

As he looks down at the remains of what can only be called a mission completed, he knows, rationally, that that isn’t his blood dripping from the tip of his blade, but he can find no other explanation for the searing in his chest, the certainty that something vital was slipping away, dripping, draining… and he wipes the silver metal, sickeningly warm, a little frantically, as if trying to stem the imaginary flow.

He fades away, a mere shadow against the darkened landscape, and resists the urge to look back to search for that fundamental bit of himself he feels he’s left behind.

Back home, he stares at himself in the mirror, wondering if the kyuubi’s presence inside him was the reason why he could lose so many shades of himself and yet still appear whole. But he has to admit that he never looks very closely. People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul and he is terrified that if he looks too closely, he might find nothing but the ghost of someone he thinks he once knew.

Behind him he sees Sasuke appear, leaning against the doorway, and their gazes lock. Naruto loves him. But he can no longer find the reassurance he once felt at the Uchiha’s mere presence and he knows it’s because even his right to hold onto his lover was being taken by the village, because he’d chosen to love an Uchiha. Naruto is trying to distance himself, compartmentalize his feelings for Sasuke so when the time comes, ‘good-bye’ will be said with little emotion.

Sasuke wraps his arms around him, pulls him close, and presses his face into the blond’s stiff neck. Naruto lets his lover lead him into the bedroom, away from mirrors and the things they don’t reflect.

Naruto sinks his teeth into Sasuke’s shoulder as he pushes into Sasuke’s body. The heat and friction and Sasuke’s cries of pleasure are just enough to block the images of stained steel…Sasuke’s warmth just enough to touch the hollows in his chest.

Afterwards, he lies sprawled on top of his lover and best friend, arm thrown over a pale chest, legs entwined. He watches as Sasuke’s dark lashes flutter in his sleep and he leans forward the few inches to place a chaste kiss on Sasuke’s cheek before he gently extracts himself from the bed.

Naruto sits at his kitchen table, tracing the patterns of sunlight that fall across his arm. He listens to the silence-the steady tick of a wall clock, the sporadic drip of the kitchen faucet-and allows himself this time to remember who he is.

The next morning he makes Sasuke breakfast-not ramen-and grins when he is rewarded with a kiss and a grope. Sasuke sits with him, legs touching beneath the table, and for just this moment, Naruto thinks the world is as it should be.

The End.